I think we’re all part of very distinct tribes— not based on genetics, but on values. A tribe is like a political party; all the members speak the same language and completely understand one another. Your tribe is made up of people who share the same values, have similar emotional IQs, and maintain related ethical standards. This tribe concept has nothing to with economic status or education. It’s about likeness of mind.

I belong to many tribes, like most of us do. I have a work tribe, a social tribe, an emotionally-connected tribe, a familial tribe, a girl tribe, a “people who love dogs” tribe, a neighborhood tribe and finally, I have a distinct group of people I know who are simply remarkably open. Their insights and experience cross all lines. They are my go-to tribe.

I have made the mistake of asking for advice on an emotional issue from a member of my work tribe. It didn’t go well. I have also repeatedly sought out a member of my social tribe for help with serious life issues and I have been repeatedly disappointed. That social tribe is always tricky for me. It’s all warm and cozy in there. I get seduced and abandoned…until the next dinner party.  

When you reach out for coaching, make sure that person is from your tribe. Find your tribal mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers and distant cousins. They make up your real family.  They’ll know exactly what you need.