What’s the secret to real change?  It’s simple; take a suggestion, a thought or a piece of advice from someone else, and make it your idea. Take ownership and run with it.

When I coach friends or am being coached, there is always that one moment of hesitation when advice is given. There is resistance, an inner rebellion against someone else’s idea.  No matter how good the idea, we don’t want it for that moment. The instant we forget who shared the idea with us and make it our own, we can move along and make some changes.

How do you take ownership? Just repeat the words in your mind and make them your own. This is what I want to do, and this is what I am going to do are powerful statements. And once the idea is yours, you will feel quite brilliant.

If you’re trying to help someone else, you can be really clever and offer your advice framed in a question, “Is this what you want to do?”  The moment a person answers yes, the process of ownership begins. True change comes from within. It’s impossible to try to attempt a behavior change from the outside; it works inside out.

So, when you receive some good advice or instruction, hold onto it, think about it, rephrase it in your own words—and steal the idea and run like the wind. That’s what I did.

In a recent kickboxing class, my trainer was calling out punches and though I followed her directions, my punches and kicks were weak; I was off balance.  She stopped and said, “Listen to me, but take your time.  Don’t throw the punch until it’s your idea.”

I tried it. It worked. And the idea was so good, I stole it.