Honestly, I really don’t know if you are doing it wrong, but everyone else seems to think so.

“You’re doing it wrong”  has been around for awhile, but I’ve recently seen an uptick online of self-styled regulators who chide, correct,  lecture, and make detailed lists about how everyone else is doing everything wrong because they have somehow decided that they know better.

I wrote a book on an entirely unrelated topic, but my teacher profiled in the story had a “dictator” teaching style. I could handle her constant criticism and pointed comments about what I was doing wrong, but I believe I would have flourished faster—and been happier—if my teacher has chosen a kinder, less autocratic style of teaching. With my dictator-teacher, I spent more time trying to keep my emotions under control than actually learning anything. I had to fight feelings of rebellion and discipline feelings of failure. But at least in this situation, I was paying her to teach me; I signed up for the process.

In my experience, there are two main styles used to impart knowledge or give advice. The first is to wait until someone has asked for advice—then share it. The second is sharing an opinion without anyone requesting it. If you’re the reincarnation of Einstein or have recently won a Nobel Prize, then you probably have a pass to dictate away. But short of that, I think we all learn best when we’re open to learning, and when we sign up for the process.

Unless the behavior being regulated is dangerous to others, I think constant correction leads to an anxious, uncomfortable atmosphere. It would be refreshing if people asked for help when they needed it, and others gave it when asked; the ultimate goal of 3Lunches.

Imagining a more collaborative online world where there is less correction and more give is a fantasy of mine.

In this online world of “experts,” is this possible?